Melancholy
I’m sitting in the dark of the junk room, lit by the glow of a desk lamp. Taylor Swift is quietly filling the room with wistful songs while I tap away at the keyboard. The clock will tick past midnight in a few moments.
Here we are again.
There’s a feeling of melancholy in the air, and I have no idea why. I’ve just spent a wonderful evening with good friends, eating great food, sharing each other’s truths with each other. Perhaps not the whole truth though. Maybe that explains the fog has surrounded me recently.
While being talked over during a conversation earlier, a quiet face focused on mine. Nothing was said. Nothing needed to be said. Sometimes those close to us know - they understand. While they might not know everything - or even a little bit - they know enough. They know you. They see you.
After returning home I cleared the kitchen, poured myself a coffee, ate a leftover brownie, and sat down at the computer to write this. A notification popped up from a far flung friend - sharing an update on news they had confided in recent days. Happy news.
I can’t help thinking of the line from “As you like it”;
“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts”
If only we knew the part we are playing - it would make life so much more straightforward. While it’s nice to think of some unseen puppeteer hiding behind the curtain of the universe - pulling our strings - perhaps we all know in our heart that we’re making it up as we go along.
We make choices. We stumble. We wish we had said this or done that. We make the best of where we are, and what we have. While we wish for more, we’re also mindful that many have much less.
We still dream though. And sometimes we wonder if those closest know.